Losing your virginity is a big step for many people. It can be really special, but if you are both inexperienced it can also be frightening and your nerves can show through and make it less enjoyable for you both.
Make it Special
Many people hope to make losing their virginity special, and some even book into a hotel for it. In reality, the person that you lose your virginity to will make it more special than any hotel can. Also, if you arrange it all in advance, it could make both of you put more pressure on yourselves. This in turn could make you both tense up and even stop it happening.
It is far better for it to be spontaneous and loving with someone special. Go out for a night out together and when you are alone enjoy a kiss and a cuddle and let that lead you on to sex. Just make sure that you have some contraception and are not going to be disturbed. An unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection is not a good start to your love life.
If you think that you might have sex for the first time, it is best not to get too drunk before. Even if it is with someone special, you do not want your first time to be lost in a drunken haze. Also, being drunk might make you lose control a little and you might do something that you regret later.
Sex is a lot better emotionally when you love and trust your partner, and this is especially true for your first time. You need to trust your partner to respect your wishes, even if you change your mind at the last moment. If you do not trust them then you might be better to wait until you are 100% sure of them.
The Right Reasons
Once your virginity has gone, it has gone forever. If you do decide to have sex with someone, make sure it is for the rights reasons and that you love and respect them, and vice versa. Many people, especially boys, resort to negative tactics such as emotional blackmail to try and get their partner to consent before they are ready. Peer pressure is another negative tactic that people use to persuade their partner to become sexually active.
A recent survey of teenage boys found that the majority think it is acceptable to use a negative tactic or even ply their girlfriend with drink or drugs to persuade them into sex. The downside of this is that girls are twice as likely to regret their first sexual experience and three times more likely to feel pressurized into sex than boys.
Even with all the publicity and health campaigns that governments use to promote safe sex, only a minority of young people use condoms when they have sex. If you are both virgins, then you should be safe from infection, but you still need to use some method of contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It is better still if you combine condoms with a hormone based contraceptive, like the pill, until you are both sure that you are clear of any infection.
Before you have sex with your partner, you should be comfortable with each other to discuss contraception openly. No method is foolproof, and there is a risk that any of them could fail.
The age of consent varies from country to country. In many countries, if you have sex with someone under the age of consent then you are breaking the law and could even end up as a registered sex offender if prosecuted. In reality, most prosecutions will fail unless there is a complaint and evidence of sexual activity.
Many people think that they know what to expect when you are losing your virginity, but you do not really until you have been through it. For many people, the sex is disappointing at first, but like everything else, practice makes perfect and pretty soon it will improve with a loving partner. All you need to do is relax and try to enjoy it with someone that you love and trust and it will all fall into place.